No turning back

When I was in high school my past time was visiting many different kinds of porn-site up to college, I know it was bad but the feeling of watching it makes me feel different and it really satisfy my urges. and when I’m out of our house seeing e my thoughts keeps on thinking about sex and time goes by I find myself unproductive useless and nonsense.

I must admit I’m weak controlling myself to masturbate is very hard for me I don’t want to be like this forever i don’t want to be my uncle who did something bad to me when i was a kid there was a time i molested two of my friends and as of now my past keeps haunting me of what i did i ask for their forgiveness but it seems not enough i also pray for it that “God please forgive for all the things that I’ve done”

*forgiveness
*repentance
*acceptance
*changes

Forgiveness was the first stage but it doesn’t end there its a process changes that i need to go through…

..if only

… I don’t know if I can make all things right the past keeps on reminding me on what I did before hurting anyone is not my goal In life maybe i need to feel a little love, a love that I never experience more than ever before; moving on is the sweetest thing to do letting go is what I’m trying to exercise the glimpse of an eye the tears in your eye helps me realize how painful the hurt that was made by me. Looking forward to be with you again is not my focus and being with what Ive wanted is not my intention because I know time will come everything will be fine..To all of you that i offended I cannot bring back the past, I want to stay but I need to be well enough to be with you again saying goodbye is the saddest thing to say but see you later means hope to me. focusing on my problem and looking for solution and looking always on my past is not been the real issue that i need to deal with I cannot change myself alone someones help must be the solution “if only” I call on HIM first but what might have been said and done to experience the discipline is part of the Love of God, I know  He is not through with me yet I believe something great is going to happen and this is just the beginning. I’m not a patient person but ill wait on You.

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